Saying Goodbye, for real

The following is, at times, a bit melodramatic and I considered editing but decided keeping my true thoughts is fine. Feel free to laugh a bit if you want, I have after re-reading some of this. Saludos!:
Theres a song by Ben Harper that i cant stop listening to. The lyrics of said song echo in my soul.
"But its time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays"
"But you put the happy in my ness
You put the good times into my fun"

Josh rouse also eloquently says "life is good, sometimes its bad, it has its ups it has its down just say it all cause that’s just life" so this is just life. Saying goodbye to the most amazing experience of my life thus far, and saying hello to a new chapter of life.

Matchbox Twenty:
"Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an endoh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend, let's see how far we've come"
To think back at all I have done, seen, experienced, its been amazing. So now, its come to an end and I’ve come so far, and still have so much farther to go, so much more to see. So many more adventures. And that is what makes life exciting.

So here we are. 5 months later. And it is over. Chile is really over. These past few weeks, days, and hours have been a blur. And yet memorable, as I walked my last steps down my street, felt the waves of the Pacific Ocean lap over my feet and then the sensation of the warm sand and perfect breeze along the beach as the summer sun warmed and toasted my skin. As I said goodbye to everyone that I had met and spent time with over the past 5 months. 5 months. It sounds so long and yet so short and at times felt like a little of both. This last blog is going to be less coherent than normal, which isn’t saying a whole lot. I figured if you are reading this, you are interested in what I have to say and can stop reading whenever. So here goes everything, something, and nothing, all at once.

Im returning to Indiana. To snow, to cold weather, winter time and little sunlight. To English almost all the time. To actually studying, working, and the business environment. To my loving family and home-cooked meals. To Christmas time. To excited friends that have been counting the days til I return. To all the comforts of the U.S. like water pressure and the foods I have missed. To missing Chile, missing parts of Chile I never thought I would. To change, a new chapter of life. And as with any new chapter, I am scared. Scared of what is to come, how I will react, what it will be like. To reverse culture shock. Coming home to what was once familiar and missing what became familiar. Its going to be weird for a while and for those of you that are about to see me again, after so many months (WHEE), I beg of you understanding, lots of love, and patience. Hang with me, I will adjust eventually. I might be stubborn (I wore my flip flops home on the plane) but i´ve missed you and cant wait for all the fun to begin, though it is going to be a lot different than all the adventures and traveling and culture experiencing of Chile.
Its been an incredible semester and if you have read many of my previous blogs, you already know this. You know all the places I saw, all the things I did, all the friends I made and how I was able to completely love and enjoy life, relax and soak up everything I could for 5 full months. To learn the essence of life.

Heres a few more thoughts:
-I am independent. I learned to manage the bus system, both between Viña-Valpo and also longer distances. The Chilean system of living and surviving, all of which was in a language that was not my native one.
-I am dependent. Dependent on people, on communicating, living life, sharing anything and everything, on humankind. I love people, being social and flying from one activity to another (my host family´s nickname for me was "pajarito" which means little bird b-c I was always off to some such place or another, always ready for another flight down the street or to the next town, meeting up with someone or going somewhere.
-I am an addict. Addicted to Spanish. To Chile. To traveling. To good friends. To sunshine and summer and mountains. I know that as soon as I Graduate from Butler I will be in search of a new home with mountains nearby. Preferably a few cold rivers and lakes too. I´ve become addicted to the life I lived these past 5 months and now I am on my way to rehab(aka reality check), about to begin to deal with the effects of withdrawal. However, I would not call it success to completely rid myself of this drug I have found. This drug has become part of who I am, ingrained into the very essence of my being. To attempt to completely rid myself of all the memories, all the life I lived in chile would be foolish and the wrong approach. Instead, while I have been removed from Chile and all that it had to offer, I will live on, finding new adventures, new travels, ways to practice my Spanish so I don’t forget it, money to travel to all parts of the U.S. where I have many new friends.
-Traveling is in my bloodstream. As is adventure. Between being a risk-taker, obsessed with exploring new places, speaking another language and really learning a new culture, I doubt I will be too hard-pressed for a new travel or adventure coming soon on my horizon, whatever form the next adventure takes.
-as much as I enjoy flying from place to place, I definitiely don’t mind a chill night, talking life with close friends. These sorts of nights are where in some ways, life is really learned. The sharing of experiences, the laughter between friends over a shared memory, a secret smile or an impulsive hug. The state of just being. To just simply be I believe is a very difficult thing to achieve in the States, when you finally get a rest you almost feel guilty just laying there. There were a good number of days during the Chilean winter where I laid in bed all day long, spending hours just being, thinking things over, just soaking everything in. and it was okay. In fact, it was great. Not something i´d want to do always, but good every once in a while. That feeling of complete contentment too, when you realize that there is no other place in the world you would rather be than wherever you are just at that moment.

It´s been a wild ride and im so glad to be blessed with so many amazing family members and friends, you guys are what keep me going. What will keep me going. I wish you all the most merry of Christmases, a wonderful New Year, and that we will all be in touch. I´ve been contemplating keeping this blog and just writing random life stories in it when I get the urge but we will see. For now, thanks for being along for the ride, I cant wait to see all of you again because after many many hard goodbyes I am very ready for some happy hellos.

Hello Chapter 20.5, I cant wait to see how the events of Chapter 20.0-20.49 will affect what is to come. Saludos! Goodbye Chile, I will never forget you. And hopefully I will return and though I know if I do, it wont be the same but my memories will stay sweet and my heart light when I think of you. :)